18.05.2009
I am wigged out, flaked out, spaced out, dead. After sex, I just am drained. I need the intensive-care unit. It’s always a long time before I can have, even think about having, sex again.
HUSBAND
It almost seems like having sex decreases our sex life. When I have it, I just don’t want to have it again. I feel like all the energy is gone then.
One hundred and nine men and 59 women reported that their refractory periods seemed longer than other times in their life. When we run cold, there may be a tendency to overdo it when we finally find the time and energy for sex. When we become contemplative, we also lengthen the refractory period by avoiding behaviors that may lead to re-arousal. Since the cold reactor is in a perpetual emotional refractory period, it seems logical that such a life orientation would enter into the sexual system.
What about your own sexual system? In terms of this new diagnostic system, what types of problems is your sexual system experiencing at this time? Don’t deliver a verdict. Think about your sexual functioning to determine who is the matter with the sexual system. You are not assigning blame or responsibility for the problem, for each partner is responsible for self. It means understanding that it is «who,» not «what,» that matters in achieving super marital sex, the who of the combination of you both. It is how we are and who we are as people who relate that really matters.
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